Helping Our Children Thrive During The Covid-19 Pandemic
Strapped into her car seat, on our way to her fourth month in her learning pod - which is the fancy way of saying daycare during this COVID-19 Pandemic era, a full 10 months since she left her “real school” as a kindergartener - she yelled over the radio blasting her favorite, Beyonce Homecoming, track 12, Diva, “Mommy, you know why I was crying last night?”
The night before was rough. Y’all know those evenings where we have to remind ourselves, “these are my children, and I love them.” Their witty banter is replaced with constant whining over things that, in our adult world, seem completely insignificant. But out of love and compassion for them, we resolve ourselves to care as much as they do. It’s mentally and emotionally exhausting, right? Well, this had been our evenings for the last few nights; and my usually bubbly, talkative, happy extrovert ended those evenings sobbing herself to sleep.
My 6-year-old daughter left me no room to respond to her question. I quieted Beyonce and just let her heart speak. She continued with the clarity of a woman I hope to become, “ well, I’m going through a lot mom. I miss my friends. I miss going to school and being in my classroom; and then after school, I would do my homework, and daddy would come to pick me up [from the after-school program]; I miss my friends at church…” I had to give myself time to control the overflow of emotion that was rising quickly. She continued, “we didn’t go anywhere for Thanksgiving, I didn’t even have my Christmas Cookie Party with my friends (December 2020 would have been the fourth annual) all because of the coronavirus!” Fighting back her tears, she ended her purge and said “and I’m scared you and daddy are going to get sick at work. So, it’s a lot mommy.”
I was speechless. For almost 15 years I’ve been tasked with the responsibility of helping parents ensure the health and well-being of their children; and somehow, I’d failed to ensure the same for my own.
The COVID-19 Pandemic Has Impacted Our Children
Trauma is defined as a distressing or disturbing experience. Can we agree that our children have been through a mentally, emotionally, and socially distressing experience as a result of the “Rona?” Whether they’re in infancy, toddler, pre-schooler, school-age or teen-age, in a short period of time, the COVID-19 pandemic has infiltrated and dismantled many of the meaningful structures in their lives.
Uncertainty, social isolation, and even parental stress are only a few factors that have contributed to the adverse psychological and emotional impacts on our children resulting from the trauma of their worlds being turned upside down.
The Center for Disease Control (CDC) outlined the following challenges our children face during the COVID-19 pandemic (and I recognized all of these in my own child):
Changes in their routines (having to physically distance from family, friends, worship community)
Breaks in continuity of learning (virtual learning environments, technology access, and connectivity issues)
Breaks in continuity of health care (missed well-child and immunization visits, limited access to mental, speech, and occupational health services)
Missed significant life events (the grief of missing celebrations, milestone life events)
Lost security and safety (housing and food insecurity, the threat of physical illness of themselves and family members, and uncertainty for the future)
The COVID-19 pandemic has disrupted the stabilizing factor of predictability for our babies. As much as possible, keeping safety as the priority, the goal of helping them thrive during these times is maintaining some sense of predictability. I know, as a provider and as a parent, we are very clear about what action to take when there is a boo-boo or a scrape because we can see it. But it can be a challenge to know what to say or do when we can’t see the internal pains of emotional and psychological strain. Read below for ways that can help.
5-Ways To Help Our Children Thrive During The Covid-19 Pandemic
Validate your child’s feelings. Let them know that any feelings of fear, sadness, anxiety, or even depression is normal during these times. It doesn't mean something is wrong with them or that they are weird, and it doesn’t mean that they lack spiritual faith. In fact, these are the ideal times to reinforce your faith and let them know this time will get better. Now, this doesn’t mean that we set low expectations to accommodate misbehavior. Rather we understand the times we’re in because of COVID-19 and recognized the outliers in behaviors that our children may demonstrate as a result.
Establish a routine including a reasonable bedtime. This is key to establishing the predictability that our children need to feel secure. And let’s keep it real, we all know as parents the importance of SLEEP… well their sleep anyway. Getting enough sleep can have a profound effect on our children’s physical and emotional health, appetite, mood, and ability to cope. So, aim for about 8-10 hours a night.
Reconsider screen/device time activities. Listen, I get it. We are in survival mode right now, and we have to do what is practical, and that means more screen time for our children. There is no judgment whatsoever about this. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) suggests focusing on content versus time as it pertains to our children and their devices. Set clear daily limits based upon age for where, when, and how your child can use their devices, and what apps or sites they can have access to.
Safe social connection is imperative because it’s a basic human need. Keep in mind that most of the country is still having peak COVID-19 infection rates. So indoor playdates would not be recommended given the significant risk of exposure. However, playdates can occur outdoors -weather permitting of course- with masks, distanced activities -like flying kites- to reduce the risk of exposure. Children ages 10-years old and older have been found to carry and spread the COVID-19 virus no differently than adults. So, this is an example of how the use of their device may be a better option for social connection if the weather does not allow for distanced outdoor activities with masks.
PARENTS TAKE CARE OF YOURSELVES TOO!! Your mental health significantly impacts your child's well-being. It is easy in times like these to lose ourselves. Survey your life often for opportunities to rest your mind, body, and spirit. I know you’re thinking “bye lady!” Hey, maybe it doesn’t happen every day. Re-evaluated what is absolutely necessary. Survey what can be removed or postponed as a priority. Because the reality is, our children need us to be present, especially now during the pandemic. And the way we can be present is if we ourselves are mentally and emotionally whole.
May this be where all the children are well.
Parents, how have your children been impacted by the COVID-19 pandemic? Have you tried any of these strategies with your children? Comment below. I would love to hear from you!
References:
Center for Disease Control and Prevention (2020, September, 16). COVID-19 parental resources kit – Childhood
social, emotional, and mental well-being of children during COVID-19. https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/daily-life-coping/parental-resource-kit/childhood.html#print
Cross C. Working and learning from home during the COVID-19 outbreak. https://www.healthychildren.org/ English/health-issues/conditions/chest-lungs/Pages/Working and-Learning-from-Home-During-the-COVID-19-Outbreak .aspx (accessed February 1, 2021).
Havard Health Publishing. Coronavirus outbreak and kids: Advice on playdates, physical distancing, and healthy behaviors to help prevent infection. https://www.health.harvard.edu/diseases-and-conditions/coronavirus-outbreak-and-kids (accessed February 8, 2021)
Joyce A. Our screen-time rules don’t work in this new world. And maybe that’s okay. https://www.washington post.com/lifestyle/2020/03/25/parents-screen-time-corona virus/ (accessed February 1, 2021).
Man, E. (2021). Pandemic pediatric tips for mental health. Contemporary Pediatrics, 38 (1). p24-25
ParentsTogether. Survey shows parents alarmed as kids’ screen time skyrockets during COVID-19 crisis. https:// parents-together.org/survey-shows-parents-alarmed-as-kidsscreen-time-skyrockets-during-covid-19-crisis/?mod=article_ inline (accessed February 1, 2021).
Patrick, S.W., Henkhaus, L.E., Zickafoose, J.S., Lovell, K., Halvorson, A., Loch, S., Letterie, M. & Davis, M.M. (2020). Well-being of parents and children during the COVID-19 pandemic: A national survey, 146(4) e2020016824; DOI: https://doi.org/10.1542/peds.2020-016824
Wiederhold, B. (2020). Children’s screen time during the COVID-19 pandemic: Boundaries and etiquette. Cyberpsychology and Social Networking, 23(6), doi: 10.1089/cyber.2020.29185.bkw
